


Lights Go Out

by Chaotc_Univrse



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, I Made Myself Cry, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Past Character Death, Post-Season/Series 07, Sad Shiro (Voltron), Season/Series 07 Spoilers, Shiro (Voltron)-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-25 20:58:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15648819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chaotc_Univrse/pseuds/Chaotc_Univrse
Summary: SPOILER WARNING FOR SEASON 7. Set a few weeks after the finale. Shiro gets some time to rest and think. It doesn't lead to anything good.





	Lights Go Out

**Author's Note:**

> Season 7 killed me... Along with some other people...  
> I wrote this listening to Moon by Sleeping at Last, you should check it out

It was three weeks after they'd fought Sendak and his army, since they'd freed those enslaved by the galra, when Shiro found himself walking alone through the garrison hallways with no destination in mind. They'd all been busy, helping in any way they could; clearing debris from streets, stabilising crumbling buildings, patching survivors up, talking to new allies.  
But today, for the first day in longer than they could remember, they had time.

Time to rest, to patch themselves up. Hunk was spending that time with his family, introducing them to Shay, catching up on what he'd missed out on. He'd promised he'd make the paladins a welcome back meal. He'd been sure to invite all their families.

  
Lance was showing his nieces around the red lion. He'd taken them on a trip somewhat akin to a helicopter tour, just in a mechanical lion over 10,000 years old. He introduced them to Allura, to Coran, Romelle, Hunk, Pidge, even Keith.

  
Pidge had grabbed Matt at the first chance she had. They had hugged, Pidge teasing him for copying her old hair right before Matt teased her for the same. Together with Colleen the three had dragged Sam away from his screens somewhere quiet, finally having their long overdue catch up.

  
Allura seemed to float between everyone. She met Hunk's family, and been introduced to every member of Lance's. She'd talked with the Holt's, and had spent time with Krolia. She'd eventually settled with Coran, the two quietly going off away from all the noise.

  
Keith had dutifully met those closest to his friends. While he'd never admit it, he'd enjoyed in. Hunk's siblings and Lance's nieces. He was happy for his friends. For the people who had become his family. Before it had reached midday, he'd gone. Shiro saw him and Krolia walking together, Cosmo at their side before they'd teleported. He knew where they'd gone.

  
Shiro walked aimlessly. He'd smiled when meeting the families of his friends, though it had been an effort to move back from the hug Matt had given him, to stand on his own again. He'd turned down the offer join Lance on his non-helicopter helicopter tour. Instead he'd started walking to the Atlas. He barely made it halfway there before he changed his mind and took a wrong turn.

  
He wanted to work. To keep going. Stopping meant having time to think, and he wasn't ready to think about anything. Yet as he meandered through hallway after grey hallway he couldn't help his mind drifting.

  
Drifting to the quietly humming weight at his side. To the scar on his brother's face that had been left by the weight before this one. To the body that wasn't his. To what had happened to the one that was his, and the time he'd spent alone in the black lion's consciousness. To Sendak. To the Champion. To Kerberos.

  
To Adam.

  
He blinked hard, walking faster as if he could outrun his own mind. The argument they'd had before he'd left played in his mind.

  
_Don't expect me to be here when you get back._

  
He hadn't allowed himself to hope until they'd reached Earth's solar system. Hope that maybe by some shred of chance he'd be there. That his _fiancé_ would be there smiling the way only he did. That he'd forgiven him. That they could move on together. Even when Sam's distress signal reached them, he hoped.

  
He hadn't dared to ask. And when he had, the look that washed over Iverson's face told him everything he need to know. Standing in front of the memorial he'd been able to keep it together. Iverson standing behind him reminded him of the war, of the battle being raged on his home, the battle that would claim so many more lives.

  
But now Shiro was standing alone; looking up at the lists of names. He didn't know how he'd got here, or how his fingers had found the name that mattered most to him. Trembling, they traced the small placard. A name on a wall. That's all that was left of him. Of the man he loved.

  
On a sleepless night a long time ago, Shiro had planned what he'd say if by a miracle they made it back to Earth and Adam was waiting. He'd lulled himself into calmness thinking on the words he'd use. He had been reckless. On this night he'd allowed himself to imagine the places they'd go. The places he'd take him in the black lion, the things he'd show him. He had laughed into the silence of his room when he imagined introducing Adam to Coran, when he'd pictured the puzzled look that would be on the former's face like it was when trying to solve a math problem.

  
Shiro felt the slivers of hope he'd allowed himself to hold on to throughout the years crumbling as he failed to stop the world crashing down around him. Tears were falling heavy now and he failed to stop those too.

  
He was sorry. For leaving. For failing. For everything.

  
Though Adam would never know. He'd died not knowing.

  
He remembered the lessons they'd had together, the hours they'd spent staying awake at night hunched over textbooks ready for a test the next day. He remembered how Adam's face had lit up when they were made flight partners. How their first flight together they'd almost crashed after Shiro had gotten distracted by the way the lighting had made Adam look like a supermodel. How when they'd landed they'd burst into laughter, only quietening when Adam had kissed him. It had been messy and awkward but he remembered it.

  
He remembered the trips to the medical bay. The long hours spent in there; Adam ranting about the state of the world and refusing to leave his side, just as scared as each other but making a promise then. The countless mornings Adam joined him in doing different stretches and exercises. The endless amount of times Adam had been beside him, rubbing his back and talking softly when whatever new medication the doctors were trying him on made him hurl up his stomach.

  
He remembered the shape of him under his hands from that one clumsy time in the cargo hold. The taste of his lips from corridor when they were meant to be in a classroom. The lazy smile that tugged on Adam's mouth when he laid his head on the pillow opposite him.

  
He remembered him. Every seemingly insignificant thing about him he remembered. And he missed him. There was a hole in his heart, a weight pressing down on his chest and stopping him breathing.

  
Adam was dead. His Adam. And all the tears in the world wouldn't bring him back.

  
The last thing Shiro remembered was feeling his knees hit the floor as his legs gave way. Yet when he could see clearly, he was no longer on the hard floor of the garrison. But in a bed. In his bed. The covers were pulled up, and a glass of water left on the side. It was dark outside the windows. He was alone. Curled up on his side facing the spot Adam had once laid.  
He couldn't quite stop the tears that fell until he slept. And when he woke up the next morning to sounds of work and rebuilding outside, his eyes, like his heart, ached.

 

* * *

 

  
Shiro searched, though most of the time absentmindedly, the following weeks.

  
Slowly, like going too fast would shatter the world around him.

  
Though despite his searching, he never did find the ring he was sure Adam had taken off the moment he'd left.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to return to my despair cave now, peace


End file.
